My Teen Won't Go to the Other Parent's House. What Now? (Oregon)

If your teenager refuses to go to the other parent's house, you are not alone, and neither parent is automatically the bad guy. Oregon courts see this often. This post focuses on three questions parents ask us most: what happens when the refusal involves anxiety, depression, or another mental health issue; what you can do when there is no custody judgment yet; and how a judge actually hears from a child. For the basics, see our earlier posts on when a teenager refuses parenting time and enforcing a parenting time order.

The short version

• Your child's preference matters, but your child does not get to decide. Oregon's list of custody factors does not include the child's preference. Judges treat it as one fact and weigh it carefully.
• A refusal alone usually will not change custody. The court looks for a real change that affects your child's welfare.
• Police cannot be ordered to make a child go to parenting time. Oregon law says so directly (ORS 107.437(5)).
• The most important question is why your child is refusing. The answer drives everything else.

When mental health is part of the picture

Sometimes a teen refuses because of anxiety, depression, a conflict with a step-parent, or something that happened during a visit. Courts take this seriously, but they want evidence, not just a parent's say-so.

• Get professional input. A counselor's or evaluator's view carries far more weight than either parent's description. The court can order a psychological evaluation (ORS 107.425).
• Teens 14 and older can get outpatient mental health care on their own consent in Oregon (ORS 109.675). That can help a teen get support, but it does not replace the parenting plan.
• Both parents usually keep access to records. Unless a judgment says otherwise, a parent without custody can still talk to the child's doctors and counselors and get the child's records (ORS 107.154).
• A counselor can guide a reunification plan, but a judge must keep the final say on parenting time. Plans that let a therapist alone decide have been struck down.
• Follow through. Missing court-ordered counseling sessions can itself become evidence that things are getting worse.

If there is no court order yet

If you were never married, or your divorce is still pending, there may be no parenting time order to enforce. In Oregon, unmarried parents have equal rights to their child until a court decides otherwise (ORS 109.030). That means:

• There is nothing for the court to enforce yet. The first step is to file, so the court can set a schedule.
• You can ask for a temporary order while the case is pending, and in some cases a status quo order that keeps the child's usual routine in place.
• What you do now matters later. Keeping a child from the other parent, or pushing a child to refuse, can become evidence in the custody case.

How a judge hears from your child

• Oregon judges can talk with a child, but the conversation must be recorded, with the attorneys present (ORS 107.425(7)). Be cautious about agreeing to an off-the-record talk, because it can leave no record if you later disagree with the result.
• The court can also order an evaluation or appoint a lawyer for the child.
• Children should not be asked to carry messages, take sides, or testify against a parent without careful thought.

Practical steps for either parent

• Keep a simple, dated log of missed exchanges and what was said.
• Communicate in writing, briefly and calmly.
• The parent with the child: tell your teen clearly that the schedule is not optional, and make exchanges happen in practice.
• The other parent: keep showing up or offering, stay in low-pressure contact, and look honestly at anything you can change.
• Propose a specific plan: a named counselor, a gradual schedule, and a review date.
• In Lane County, papers for a parenting time enforcement motion must be served at least 21 days before the hearing under the current local rule (SLR 8.052(3)). An older court self-help packet still says 10 days, so follow the rule and check with the court.

Talk to a family law attorney

Every family is different, and the right step depends on your order, your child's age, and the reasons behind the refusal. If you are dealing with a child refusing parenting time in Lane County or elsewhere in Oregon, contact Crawley Law to talk through your options.

For background, see custody vs parenting time, Oregon child custody laws explained, and 50-50 parenting time, or our child custody practice.

This post is general information, not legal advice for your situation.